10 Financial Tips from the Alpha Quadrant for Millennials.

Millennial parents are taking a hit.  According to a recent Yahoo Finance article 20% of millennials with children fall below the poverty line, and the overall poverty rate for this demographic has grown 40% over the past 15 years.  Furthermore, millennial incomes are down 10% compared to 10 years ago while the wages of workers agreed 35 and up decreased 4% in the same period. Combined, these figures seem to indicate that while a degree and a decent paying job may be the ticket into the upper echelons of what remains of the middle class, factoring a child into the mix takes the opposite effect.

In dire times like these we find ourselves looking to higher, wiser sources of financial advice.  We search eagerly for that one small strain of advice that could turn fortunes in our favor.  We adopt the latest home finance crash budget and stick with it until the next one comes along.  Call me traditional or even unorthodox, but in times like these I tend to harken back to the ultimate source of financial wisdom an advice in the Alpha Quadrant. 

Hailing from planet Ferenginar, the Ferengi are parasites riding high upon galactic waves of profit. Known for being willing to sell their own mother if it turned a profit – which happens all the time, especially if they are wearing clothes – the Ferengi culture is rooted in and thrives upon unregulated capitalism and swindling customers into unfair deals to maximize profit.  Their central governing body The Commerce Authority (formerly the Board of Liquidators) governs through a sacred code of 285 amendments referred to as the 285 Rules of Acquisition.  From this long list of infinite financial wisdom we have distilled 10 tips to financial success.

  1. (#13) Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

Even the smallest things like doing laundry can be turned into a small business.  Do you have previous experience or a passion for something you could turn into a source of revenue?

  1. (#26) The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy didn’t inherit their wealth; they stole it.

The same behavior and mindset that caused the 2008 recession may help you mitigate its lingering effects!

  1. (#34) War is good for business.

Learn and master the ability to profit off the human psyche.  Create a problem, insinuate negative consequences, champion the solution.  Toothpaste companies have been doing it for years.

  1. (#49) Old age and greed will overcome youth and talent.

Similar to number one on our list, do what pays you well.  Maybe your passion for painting toilets on canvas excites you, but does it pay well?  Time economy, people!

  1. (#76) Every once in a while declare peace – it confuses the hell out of your enemy.

Stay unpredictable at all cost & under all circumstances.

  1. (#80) If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.

Having an eye for value can turn many things into gold. 

  1. (#126) A lie isn’t a lie, it’s just the truth seen from a different point of view.

A lie flies even closer to truth if you actually believe in it.  Wiggle and negotiate yourself out of any sticky situation with this in mind. 

  1. (#150) Make your shop easy to find.

If you can’t afford the main avenue of traffic, by the bathrooms is the cheapest and next best option. 

  1. (#169) If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.

Wait out the storm in high fashion. 

  1. (#195) Wounds heal, but debt is forever.

This one works both ways.  Manage your finances properly and don’t resort to plastic cards with high APR.  Instead, live within your means.  Alternately, when someone owes you and they skip town, no matter what you will always be owed.